Cthulhu Knows Best - (Dear Cthulhu) by Patrick Thomas (Paperback)
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<p/><br></br><p><b> About the Book </b></p></br></br>A monster gives good advice to bad people.<p/><br></br><p><b> Book Synopsis </b></p></br></br><p><em><strong>The third volume of the advice you've been afraid to ask for proves once and for all and beyond a shadow of a doubt that Cthulhu Knows Best!</strong></em></p><p><em><strong>Cthulhu will one day rise up to claim the Earth and its inhabitants as his own.<br /> The Great Old One has looked upon Humankind and found it lacking.<br /> Cthulhu has deemed it necessary to prepare Humankind for his coming<br /> Thus, Cthulhu now answers humanity's questions to help them better themselves.</strong></em></p><p> </p><p>Dear Cthulhu, </p><p> I am constantly being criticized by friends and even strangers for breastfeeding my son in public. They all try to tell me he's too old. I think it is up to the mother when she stops breastfeeding her kids. Besides, he just won't take the formula. I've tried and he doesn't like it. If it helps, my little one turned thirty-six last month.</p><p>--Momma Manning the Milk Pumps</p><p>Dear Milk, </p><p> Traditionally when the child can open up the mother's shirt and help himself to a snack, it is time to cut them off And it is quite possible that your behavior is keeping him from meeting women his own age to play and procreate with. If you are interested in grandchildren, I suggest stopping the feeding immediately. But look at it this way. You have kept your mammaries going for almost four decades. Maintain that with a breast pump for a while longer and you may be able to feed your grandchildren as well.</p><p/><br></br><p><b> Review Quotes </b></p></br></br><br><p>"A crazy fun collection...Great Cthulhu dispenses a sardonic brand of advice that will make you giggle and snort with horrified glee...some very funny and dark Q & A's that will have Lovecraft fans shrieking with laughter." - J. L. Comeau, Creature Feature</p><p>"When Cthulhu approached me to write an advice column for my 'zine, I was a bit skeptical. But how could I to say no to mighty Cthulhu? I mean really, he was mad enough when I told him he could only have one page. But it turned out to be the best page in the entire 'zine. Absolutely. The BEST! Now can I please be released from my enslavement in the blurb mines, oh great one?" -Michael D. Pederson, Publisher/Editor, Nth Degree</p><p>"FUN." - Nick Cato, THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW</p><p>"Dear Cthulhu provides the finest advice to needy readers. Lord Cthulhu is the greatest and mightiest provider of guidance for mere mortals. Dear Abby is like unto a flea on His behind in comparison. Dr. Phil is but carbuncle upon one of His mighty appendages. All hail Great Cthulhu, eldest of the Old Ones, and your ONE source for sound advice. If you want to stay out of Arkham Asylum, Dear Cthulhu is your only hope." - Hildy Silverman, Publisher, Space and Time Magazine</p><p>"As an elder god, Great Cthulhu has the experience to answer the questions that would drive lesser advice columnists to madness, and he does so with a sensitivity that gives one hope for the years of chaos and darkness to come when he rises from the depths." -David Lee Summers, Editor Tales of the Talisman Magazine and author of Owl Dance.</p><p>"Dear Cthulhu is the first step toward enlightenment, by way of electro-convusive therapy. I've been reading Dear Cthulhu for years! The doctors say I may never recover. Dear Cthulhu is better than a sandblaster to your crotch and twice as fun!" -Michael Amorel, Publisher Cthulhu Sex</p><p>"More action-packed than Jerry Springer re-runs, yet safer than being aboard a train wreck. This is sofa therapy at its best... Dear Cthulhu has singlehandedly upset entire sects of people in South America... "How was I supposed to know that it was unhealthy to sleep with a C.H.U.D.? No one gives better advice or dishes it so real as Dear Cthulhu..." - Samantha "edie" Collins, editor of Dig This Real magazine</p><p>"Basically it's a Dear Abby for the Mythos-addicted, and it's meant to be a quick and fun read -- which it is." - Nancy Greene, Flames Rising</p><br>
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