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<p/><br></br><p><b> Book Synopsis </b></p></br></br><b>**Winner of the 2018 Telegraph Sports Book Awards Sports Bestseller of the Year**</b> <p/><b>'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - <i>Sunday Times </i><br></b><br><b>'The funniest man in British sport' - <i>Metro</i> <p/></b><i>Featured on BBC Radio 2 with Chris Evans </i> <p/>You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate. <p/>So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror. <p/>We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions. <p/>I am Peter Crouch. This is <i>How To Be A Footballer</i>. Shall we? <p/><b>Can't get enough of Crouch? Tune into <i>That Peter Crouch Podcast </i>on Radio 5 Live</b><p/><br></br><p><b> Review Quotes </b></p></br></br><br>"As someone who's been there, done it and got the ill-fitting T-shirt, Crouch is well placed to shed light on the bizarre world of the modern player in a funny, down-to-earth way . . . He made his name on the pitch . . . but with this book, Crouch proves he is a good sport off it, too." --<i>Sun</i><br><br>"However overpaid and preening you might assume Premier League footballers to be, think again. They're worse, according to this amusing insider's account." --<i>Sunday Times </i>Sports Book of the Year<br><br>"On his way to being a national treasure . . . most enjoyable." --<i>Telegraph</i><br><br>"The funniest man in British sport." --<i>Metro</i><br><br>"Who knew that a footballer could be funny? . . . What you realise, as you laugh out loud, is that football has been taken too seriously by too many people for too long . . . Most other football books wither by comparison." --<i>Daily Mail</i><br><p/><br></br><p><b> About the Author </b></p></br></br>First things first: yes I am very tall, no the weather isn't different up here, and no I don't play basketball. Glad that's out the way. <p/>I've been a professional footballer for 20 years, have 42 England caps, have scored over 100 Premier League goals and hold the record for the most headed goals in Premier League history. <p/>In my time I've been promoted, relegated, won trophies, gone months without scoring, been bought, sold, loaned and abused - and I've loved almost every moment of it.

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